Monday, October 19, 2009

Hast du Heute Schon Gelebt?

Did you love yet today?
Did you hate yet today?
Did you take a chance yet today?
or do you need this kick that is only felt
if taken away?

"Heute Schon Gelebt?"- Megaherz

This blog is named after a song called "Heute Schon Gelebt?", which means "(Have you) Lived Yet today?" It's something I try to keep in mind, though I don't remember it as often as I should. There are opportunities in my past that I didn't take and I wonder how different my life could have been. I don't regret most of my mistakes because I think the only thing worth regretting is deliberately causing someone harm; Regret and guilt is punishment, it shouldn't be dwelled on, but I also think it shouldn't be ignored.

I probably think about my mortality a lot more than most people my age; I think about it every day. The reason for that is probably because for the last few years, time seems to have picked up momentum. It's hard to believe five years have passed since I was 18, but when I was 18, it seemed like ages since I was 13. Maybe everyone feels this way. Probably the years felt longer when I was a kid because I was going through more changes. I've changed a lot since I was 18, but I still feel connected to that strange age- technically a teenager, but legally an adult. The problems I had then that overwhelmed me haven't disappeared, but I'm able to deal with them better.

Even though I think about my mortality a lot, and I want to live my life to the fullest, I get distracted by day-to-day things and put my dreams on hold. Sometimes I feel so grateful to be alive and want to experience everything I can, but sometimes life seems like more trouble than it's worth. I've heard about people who've had near-death experiences, and how much they appreciate their lives. I try to imagine what it would be like if I almost died, it probably would knock me out of my complacency. There are some who purposefully put themselves at risk for fun, they also appreciate their lives more than most people. This was said by one of the Dudesons (a group of Finnish guys with a TV show who regularly put their lives at risk doing stupid stunts), "When you get old, you don't want to think about the things you didn't do. Instead, you want to think about all the things you DID do!" They may do stupid things, but when it comes to living life to the fullest, they know best.

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