Hast du Heute Schon Gelebt?

Did you love yet today?
Did you hate yet today?
Did you take a chance yet today?
or do you need this kick that is only felt
if taken away?


"Heute Schon Gelebt?"- Megaherz

http://www.megaherz.com/en/band/releases/herzwerk_ii#heute_schon_gelebt

This blog is named after a song called "Heute Schon Gelebt?", which means "(Have you) Lived Yet today?" It's something I try to keep in mind, though I don't remember it as often as I should. There are opportunities in my past that I didn't take and I wonder how different my life could have been. I don't regret most of my mistakes because I think the only thing worth regretting is deliberately causing someone harm; Regret and guilt is punishment, it shouldn't be dwelled on, but I also think it shouldn't be ignored.

I probably think about my mortality a lot more than most people my age; I think about it every day. The reason for that is probably because for the last few years, time seems to have picked up momentum. It's hard to believe five years have passed since I was 18, but when I was 18, it seemed like ages since I was 13. Maybe everyone feels this way. Probably the years felt longer when I was a kid because I was going through more changes. I've changed a lot since I was 18, but I still feel connected to that strange age- technically a teenager, but legally an adult. The problems I had then that overwhelmed me haven't disappeared, but I'm able to deal with them better.

Even though I think about my mortality a lot, and I want to live my life to the fullest, I get distracted by day-to-day things and put my dreams on hold. Sometimes I feel so grateful to be alive and want to experience everything I can, but sometimes life seems like more trouble than it's worth. I've heard about people who've had near-death experiences, and how much they appreciate their lives. I try to imagine what it would be like if I almost died, it probably would knock me out of my complacency. There are some who purposefully put themselves at risk for fun, they also appreciate their lives more than most people. This was said by one of the Dudesons (a group of Finnish guys with a TV show who regularly put their lives at risk doing stupid stunts), "When you get old, you don't want to think about the things you didn't do. Instead, you want to think about all the things you DID do!" They may do stupid things, but when it comes to living life to the fullest, they know best.

All you people are vampires..

All you people are vampires
All your stories are stale
Though you pretend to stand by us
Though you're certain we'll fail
"Perhaps Vampires is a Bit Strong, But..."
by Arctic Monkeys

http://www.arcticmonkeys.com/song.php?id=25#lyrics

This song describes perfectly the people who seem to think it's their job to bring you down to earth. Why can't people keep their mouths shut when they don't have faith in somebody? Unless they're trying to protect someone who's delusional about their level of talent, they should be supportive of anyone who tries to follow their dreams.

I hate reality-checks. Many times I've told people, "I want to be an author," and they reply, "Do you know how hard it is to be published?" Does anybody not know?! I'm not in kindergarten, I don't want to be a princess or a ballerina. I know it's hard, you don't have to tell me. Just because it's hard doesn't mean I shouldn't try. I've tried to convince myself it wasn't that important to me, but everything else seems pointless in comparison.

My family is full of vampires. At Christmas time, I don't bother to tell them anymore that I'm still trying to be a writer. I don't want to hear them laugh. If they've never read anything I've written, how can they decide whether or not they think it's a bad idea? They probably just think of me as the weird little girl who turned into a freakish teenager, and then into.. Who knows what they think of me now? Probably not much, as I don't have anything to show for my life. I don't have a house, I'm not married, I don't have a job, I'm not pregnant. I don't have most of the badges and medals and stripes with which society measures success. Not to say those things aren't important to me, but they're not as important as achieving my dream of being published.

Why is their support so important to me? Human-nature, I guess. If I was a different kind of person, one who liked being told they couldn't do something and saw it as a challenge, I'd probably have done something I could be proud of by now. Unfortunately, I care too much about the opinions of others. I won't change what I'm doing for them if I don't think it's right, but I need their opinions and appreciation. I don't get feedback like that from my family now, and maybe I never will, but I hope some Christmas I'll be able to say, "I AM an author."

Everyone's a Little Bit Racist(?)

I thought my first blog should be something nice and uncontroversial. (That's sarcasm- get used to it.)

Racism

"Racist"- what does that word mean to you? Is it someone who judges people by their race (for better or for worse), or is it someone who thinks their race is superior to all others? I've heard people argue that we're all racist in some way because we have preconceived notions about how we think certain groups should act. I've heard someone say that racism is being proud of whatever color you happen to be. They're all similar ideas, but different enough to cause confusion.

Most people agree that racism is bad, and most people I know would claim not to be racist. I think that someone who claims not to be racist probably isn't one, because I'm among those that defines racism as the belief that one's own race is superior. Most people are self-aware enough to know if that's what they believe.

If somebody has preconceptions about other races, some people would call that racist, regardless of whether or not they think themselves superior. I don't know which definition is right (it's likely they both are), but I do know that saying "we're all racist," is bound to annoy a lot of people. I think the point they're trying to get across is that we all judge, but calling everyone racist isn't the right way. People are going to get defensive, and rightly so. They deny being racist because their definition of the word differs from the one who accused them. When people argue, especially about things of such a sensitive nature, they can become confused about what the other person is arguing about. They may both agree that everyone has preconceived ideas about others, but if each of them has a different definition of the word, then they'll never understand each other.

"Racism", "Patriotism", "Socialism"- one word is never enough to explain such complicated ideas. If you are of the opinion that everyone who judges people is racist, then try applying the same idea to words. Everyone has their own ideas of what it means to be black, brown, or white, and everyone has different ideas about what words mean; judging either too quickly can be dangerous. The next time you argue, make sure you know what you're arguing about.

PS: If you were wondering whether or not I'm racist- I'm not. But if you think everyone is, then maybe I am.