Sunday, April 4, 2010


There's someone I hate and love, I'll call her A. If you're reading this, it should be glaringly obvious that I mean you. Once I didn't talk to her for a year because we got into a fight that started because I was tired of being ignored. It's pathetic that I still like her and I want to call her my friend, but I'm not convinced she deserves that title. The last time I saw her was December. She doesen't live here, so it's understandable that she wouldn't think of me as much as people with whom she has more contact. But still. December? The last time I talked to her, she was planning on moving somewhere even farther away from me than she lives now. She had a lot of shit to worry about, and I'm sure she has even more now. We used to talk about our shit together, but it's been a long time since then. A LONG long time. She used to be so important to me, she helped me though depression, and I tried to help her. I don't know if she's depressed now, I don't know anything. She used to have a blog on Livejournal, but she hasn't written anything in it since October. Before that, she wrote a lot, it's weird that she stopped so suddenly. We're "friends" on Myspace. I've sent a few messages to her with that, I've tried e-mailing her, and sent a text- all were ignored or unread. I try not to sound needy, and I don't want to smother her with my once every two months attempts to contact her. It should be clear to me that she doesn't give a fuck, but she's done this before, and convinced me that she does. Is she punishing me for something I didn't know I did?

The light's on in the other room. I didn't want to spend this much time on the computer, but she pulled me in like years ago, when we would talk online until three or four AM. So long ago, it feels like another lifetime. I know we've changed and moved on, but I still want her in my life.

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