Monday, January 11, 2010

Sometimes I dream fables.

It's probably not true, but it felt like I had awaken from my dream. As I felt myself falling back asleep, my heart suddenly surged with blood and started beating like a rabbit's. It felt like a small heart-attack, and I was sure that had I fallen asleep, my heart would have stopped beating completely. But I convinced myself that I was being stupid, my breathing slowed and I closed my eyes. It happened three more times before my tiredness overwhelmed my fear of dying. Then I started to dream- or continued, I'm still not sure if what came before was real or not. I dreamed that I could remember when I was a baby in the womb, when I was a zygote, when I was a soul without a body. I searched for a new body, and as I was born I forgot who I had been.

I dreamed that I was Loki, the Norse god of mischief and curiosity. I found a human body to live in, but people still knew me and hated me. I tried to be good, but my nature always resulted in pain for myself and others.

Drifting between space and time, completely alone, I knew that whatever I did I would always drive away anyone who loved me. The best I could do was to try to forget who I was, at least for a while. I suddenly found myself in a boat. It was so small that it was difficult not to fall out. The water that surrounded me was so blue and bright that it seemed to emit light, rather than reflect it. It was beautiful, but I feared the monsters that I was sure waited for me beneath the waves. Other people in boats sailed by, close enough for me to talk to, but their anwers were always short and they passed quickly. They rowed from all directions toward the same island, almost perfectly round and covered with dense vegetation. Flat land was high above the water level, there was no way to climb up the sides because they were too steep. Other people threw ropes with hooks until they caught on the rocks and they were able to pull themselves up. One person let the hook fall back into the ocean, and it was bitten by a giant fish with spikes all over its body. The fish thrashed around as it was pulled up, but when it reached the top and was unhooked, it turned into a fawn and jumped away. Everyone else did the same when they reached the top, and soon the island was covered with deer and sheep that sprang and bleated happily as if to say "Thank you!" I didn't have a rope, so I called out for help. Nobody would help me because they didn't trust me, so I grabbed on to someone else's rope and fought them until they fell into the ocean and were devoured by a fish. When I got to the top I dropped my hook into the water and pulled out a fish. It didn't turn into a deer when it reached the top, but thrashed and bit and gasped for air. It swiped at me with its spiked tail and fell back into the ocean, taking me with it.

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